The other Side!

Volume 13 Issues 3 March, 2023

She woke up with the warmth of the sun on her skin. Usually, on waking up, her hand automatically reaches for the other side of bed to check for the presence of her husband. But today, waking up came with the influx of all the thoughts she had been harbouring to herself, with one phrase ringing in her head, “you’ve a life of your own to live”. With all these going on in her head, she reached for her husband’s side of the bed, only to find it empty and cold. With sleep still in her eyes, she strained herself out of bed, to find her husband. It’s their seventh wedding anniversary today and her mind went to their initial days together.

Theirs was an arranged marriage where her family pushed her to marry the comparatively well-off guy who had a muddled mind. At first, things went way better than she could expect. He treated her as an equal, which she never received at home, and encouraged her to complete her graduation.

Things went on smoothly till she encountered his first delusional episode. They were watching TV when he suddenly went up close pressing his ears to the screen and whispering gibberish which later, turned to stomping and shouting. She stood transfixed not knowing whether to run away from him or calm him down. She chose the former. She went to their bedroom and hid under the sheets. After a while she felt the soft touch of a hand on her shoulder. He sat next to her apologising frantically. The next couple of times his delusional episodes appeared she did the same followed by him coming to her to apologise.

With increasing frequency of his episodes, she decided to seek medical help for him. The consulting doctor in addition to giving medication, gave instructions for her as to what is to be done to help calm him. With repeated episodes and her running away and returning to help him, she learned to live with his illness.

Inspite of his schizophrenia, they had a loving married life where he’d bring her flowers, braid her hair, and cook exotic dishes for her. Still, it’d be a lie if she’s to say she never thought of leaving him. It used to be on the back of her mind all these years. But lately, she’s been giving it some serious thought. Even with increased medications, his symptoms were getting worse and even in

his lucid state he was too emotionally distant for her to have a normal conversation. She’s been feeling increasingly lonely, and her uncooperative in-laws didn’t make things easier for her. She reached the living room to see her husband pacing back and forth muttering to himself. She did not take a step forward. He started to pound his head on the walls. Still, she did not move an inch. Even when he was sinking to the ground with hands over his ears, she couldn’t help but think of leaving and finding a life for herself. She was so engrossed in her internal battle between wanting to live her life and guilt for leaving him, she did not hear him call her name. When she looked at him again, their eyes met, his overflowing with tears of defeat and hers overflowing with those of inner turmoil.

The decision to leave a spouse with schizophrenia is not an easy one. The wife may feel like she’s abandoning her husband when he needs her the most. However, it’s important to remember that taking care of oneself is also important. If the wife’s emotional needs are not being met, it’s not healthy for her to stay in the relationship. She may need to seek support from a therapist or support group to help her navigate her feelings and make the best decision for her own well-being.

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